I must admit when Alessia Cara produced her above album she had me thinking how accurate could she possibly be? Growing pains or the pains of growing up. I started realizing that as you grow up and hit your twenties you start getting to know more of who you are and what you can and cannot tolerate. I remember a few years back the struggle for me was wanting to fit in with people, even if it meant I had to lower my standards for them. I’ve never liked dressing up or cleavage but my friends look great in one and they would get more turning heads that way. So I decided to try and fit in with them. I got the attention alright but I just didn’t feel great about myself afterwards. I couldn’t stop thinking “this is not who you are”.
Then came parties and get together. I am an extroverted introvert if that’s a thing. I like being out and having fun but I also don’t like crowds and parties. I think I want to go somewhere then I get there and act like a party pooper simply because I never wanted in, in the first place. So I have come to realize am not much of a party person. A crowd of five works perfectly well for me. And I could say more but like I said I’m still learning myself.
So note of advice to my young readers; live your life to your best ability with dignity of course. Don’t let friends get in the way of your true self. Stick to your standards even if it means you’ll walk alone for sometime. Remember it takes time to find quality friends but in the end the wait will be so worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could start all over but say in a new way. What i mean ti say is be a whole different person with a different perspective to the things around me which includes my family, my friends and my neighborhood. It seems crazy how we can take things for granted but I think its only human to get comfortable with the world around you. Give a child everything on a silver platter and they become ungrateful. Sometimes I wish I was more grateful in life. Grateful for the ‘blessings’, that honestly, are invisible to me. I wish they knew that. How can you be grateful for what you do not know? Is that possible? Hence the reason why I need a new perspective. The opportunity to see things from a whole new better angle.
Sometimes I wonder if ten years from now (or say nine years from now) i’ll regret the life I lived or i’ll appreciate the life I set out to live. I hope that I cherish the values I lived by and hope to always stay grateful to those friends, those family members around me that cared.
I hope my friends stick around to see me grow and develop to who they always wished I would be and who am hoping to become one day.
Stay grateful to all the people who are your greatest fans even when it seems like they are too far behind for you to notice.
Thank you never grows cold!
You walk out of situations that threaten your peace of mind only to realize that nothing has changed. You are still the same old person with the same pain and the same mediocre. Then you pause and ask yourself, Why? Maybe….
No, truth be told, its your attitude that needed changing from the word go! You loose someone and your heart goes cold and you forget how to love and how to have and you end up lost in an ocean of thoughts most of the time, if not all the time. You keep drifting away from contact with earth because that is just the way it is. It comes with no explanations.
People around you cannot understand you any longer. You are an alien, alienated from the ones you love and vice versa. Mood swings define the you that you are now but not the one you once were. “That is just the way it is”, you say. Then one day , you lose it all your friends, your family, and the least expected, yourself. Why? Maybe…..
Attitude makes a difference. Now I know!
“Sometimes when something bad happens to you, you get so scared that you stop trying. Yes you do live life; you breathe, you eat, you sleep, you repeat, but it seems as if life is flashing bye and all you get to do is stare and sigh. Life can be that way for some of us. We get lost some place far away and we wonder whether we’ll ever make it to the place we once knew we belonged.The place I once called home.”
As I looked past the gazing eyes I was beyond a doubt sure they had my back. That they were honestly paying attention to what I had to say because sadly, they cared. Why was the caring part sad? Why was it so hard to believe that they cared?
“I feel you have a story to tell but you’re holding back from telling it. Maybe you’re afraid.”
I did not expect such an attack so I quickly deflated the attack.
“No am not scared…” their eyes were squarely fixed on me.
“Not that you would care to listen, its simply small and monotonous compared to all of yours.”
“lets hear it!”, the class shouted in unison.
That marked the start of a whole new me. Long gone was the timid girl I once was A whole new me had just emerged from under a dark parched land that seemed impossible.
to be continued…..
It goes without saying that the path or road least taken is usually the best of decisions one can ever make in life. It defies conventional wisdom and hence the most painful of choices to make but its so worth the pain and doubts because the rewards are far beyond overwhelming.
So maybe my way may not always be the best way, but it sure is a start towards achieving true self,building up oneself on who you truly are. My way may be the Least desired but its the very defination of who I am and I will listen to it, I will pay attention to THAT WAY… I will stay true to MY WAY.